Navigating abnormal times

I’ve been procrastinating on writing this post for about a week, pretty much the theme of my life right now. I felt such a need to just write everything I was feeling and thinking, a way to organize my thoughts and get them “on paper”. But I’ve been feeling so much pressure to be productive right now and to “take advantage” of this time (I was temporarily laid-off, so I’ve got a lot of it right now), that it’s having the complete opposite effect. Everything that I set my mind to, I feel as though I have to do it perfectly because I’ve got all the time in the world. I find myself writing a list of all the things I want to or should do right now and then just staring at it, feeling overwhelmed and anxious. This list includes things like start blogging regularly, take online marketing courses, pick up the guitar again, start meditating, exercise everyday, create a complete meal plan every week, get my skin under control, read more books, organize every corner of the apartment, practice mindfulness, cook more, bake more, etc. I know I’m not the only one feeling like this right now and it doesn’t help that we’re all on our phones more than ever playing the comparison game. I keep having to remind myself that these are abnormal times and that there is no normal or right way to spend this time. We have to listen to what our bodies and minds need in the moment. And that’s going to change every day, probably even every hour. And maybe that’s what’s “normal” right now.

There are days when I wake up on the right side of the bed and others I really really don’t. Forcing myself to do things that don’t serve me on those days is just a waste of time and, more importantly, energy. Energy that I could be using to turn inward, to spend time listening to what I need and only doing that. It sometimes feels selfish thinking that way. I’m 30 years old, healthy, no kids, no major expenses – I don’t really need extra time to relax. But I’m a big advocate for mental health and while physical health is obviously important right now, the former is as well.

I, like everyone else, am on a journey right now to finding some sort of balance in this unprecedented time. For me that balance is between all the doing I want to do and giving myself space to reflect and just be (and maybe even grieve a little – or a lot!). It really comes down to managing self expectations. This is all very much a work in progress right now (and let’s be honest, when will it ever not be) but I wanted to share some ways I’m trying to navigate these abnormal times:

Journaling: I’m not one to write long journal entries, not even full sentences. I prefer jotting down thoughts and feelings even if they are just one word. I’ve gotten in the habit of writing down three things I’m grateful for every morning and every night. It ensures I start and end each day on a positive note. I’ll also write down lessons I’ve learned from that day. Little reminders that I can look back to. For example, one lesson I wrote down last night was “a failed attempt today will lead to a successful attempt another day”. So wise, I know ; )

Talking to someone: It’s safe to say most of us have been craving human connection more than ever right now. Talking with a family member or friend on how they’re doing really puts things into perspective and reminds you that you’re not alone. We’re all suffering in some way right now and it’s important to lean into one another.

Acknowledging the negative thoughts and feelings: From the things we hear on the media to our own self-destructive thoughts, some days my mind is full of negativity. Oftentimes I don’t really know what the exact thing is I’m feeling or why I’m feeling that why and I find it really helpful to just listen and try to articulate it. Once I somewhat understand it, I can acknowledge it and replace it with a more positive thought (or a mantra as discussed next).

Keeping a list of mantras: As a self-proclaimed perfectionist (and not necessarily in a healthy way) I often get in my head and start making up stories about myself. It’s a self-sabotaging rabbit hole, let me tell you. In those moments it can be really hard to talk yourself out of it and so I’ve decided to write a list of statements to read to myself when I get in that headspace. The more simple and blunt the better. I don’t have any to share yet as I haven’t written any, but I’ll be sure to in the future!

Keeping the to-do list short: I have a habit of making my to-do lists too long and daunting. I end up just staring at it, trying to “perfect” it and then never actually act on it. I’m trying to strip down my lists to one thing and then break that one thing down into smaller chunks. It’s way less intimidating and you get to ticking off those chunks faster. I also repeat to myself on the regular “just do it” (thanks Nike). Overthinking leads to nothing and is just a waste of time. Also, it’s completely ok to NOT have a to-do list. Screw to-do lists sometimes.

Remembering what my worth is: I’ve often felt that my worth is tied to my career and accomplishments. Well with that mindset and having been recently laid off, that would mean I’m pretty worthless right now. And I’ve totally felt that way some days recently. But I know that’s ridiculous and I have to remind myself that on the daily.

Accepting the bad days: Sometimes there is just no turning around a bad day. I might have a list of things I want to do but if it’s just not working, I’m telling myself “it’s ok and I’ll get to it another day”. This goes back to managing expectations and giving yourself permission to check out for the day. I’m using that time to listen to what I need and then doing just that.

Alright, phew, that was a long one. If you’re still with me, well done. I truly wrote this as a way for me to articulate all of my thoughts and feelings, to clear my head. But I also thought that if even just one person reads this and it helps them in some way, it’s worth sharing. Since working on this blog has been something I’ve really wanted to spend more time doing, I’m going to continue posting in this space. I meant for this blog to be about building a life and home that brings you happiness. While we all spend more time than ever at home, I feel this is even more important. While we can’t control what’s going on outside, we can control (to some extent) what’s going on inside.

So with that, take care everyone <3